Our blog

A Christmas Surprise

Our story begins...

After my husband and I got married, people started asking if or when we wanted children. At the time, I was very relaxed about the idea of starting a family. I was 32 and had a busy career, and felt like there was no rush – while I knew how hard it can be to get pregnant, especially getting older, I felt comfortable with the thought that if we couldn’t have kids, I would still feel ok.

One day I was chatting to a friend who had trained as a midwife and had been down the IVF path herself. I remember her saying "you may not actually have time. If having a baby is something you want, you should think about it now." Given I had PCOS - a hormonal imbalance that interferes with the growth and release of eggs from the ovaries - she suggested I booked an appointment with Fertility Associates to see if we were in a good place to start trying. I like having a set plan so happily booked an appointment.

The results were in

At the initial appointment, things were looking good. My husband and I were both sent off for more physical tests to get a clearer picture of our fertility. When my test results came back, everything still looked good.

But not long after, my relief was shaken by a call from my husband who was very upset to find out his swimmers were going in all sorts of directions and gave us a 1% chance of conceiving naturally and we were advised to go straight to IVF with ICSI. He was so down for a few days and the thought of it being an issue with his swimmers hit him hard. But after some kind words, we planned to start our journey together straight away.

I was intrigued by the science of it all. I read lots of other people's fertility stories and watched many videos... going down YouTube rabbit hole of people who had success with IVF and people who did not. I am quite a pragmatic person and see the "glass half full." That helped me feel relaxed going into my first round of IVF - knowing that if it wasn’t successful, we would get through it together. I had a friend at work who was going through fertility treatment at the same time, so it was nice to catch up with her and discuss the process over decaf (of course) coffees.

Is my body doing what it's supposed to?

The hormone injections, for me, were fine. But the process felt all-consuming, and I would wonder if my body was doing what it was supposed to. I remember having to lay on the floor at work because my lower back was killing me and I felt like my ovaries were going to explode.

At the scan, it showed I had 12 follicles and so a retrieval date was set. During the retrieval, we were able to collect 10 eggs. Then the waiting game began, and I was always anticipating calls from Fertility Associates for an update.

Of the 10 eggs, 8 were mature, 7 were fertilised. It still amazes me to this day that an embryologist can take a single sperm and insert it into an egg the size of a full stop.

The lab called with updates on how our little embryos were going. At the end of this stage, we had three embryos - so in my mind, I thought that's 3 maybe babies. And because of the risk of OHSS, the 3 embryos were frozen. 3 months later, it was time to try embryo #1. I did an IVF cycle and did acupuncture in the lead-up, before and after the transfer. The embryo was replaced in December and the dreaded two-week wait (TWW) began.

Did I wait the two weeks though?!? I did not. I tested on Christmas morning. I was ridiculously shocked to see a positive test. I wrapped the test up in Christmas paper and gave it to my husband. Hard to top that Christmas present.

So many milestones

I had spent so much time thinking about getting pregnant that I had given little thought to the pregnancy. What I didn’t grasp was that after the two-week wait, there are still so many milestones. I think when you’ve done IVF you have a real strong awareness of things not always going smoothly (because sometimes they don’t). So you are always waiting for the next milestone. You don’t see the pregnancy test and then relax…. Next it’s your blood tests, the heartbeat scan, then 12 week scan, then 20 week scan, then getting to 23 weeks, then 28 weeks and then the birth. But thankfully, our baby boy arrived August 2016.

Fertility associates fell to the back of my mind after being released to the care of my obstetrician, but every time I would drive past the building in Greenlane I would think about our two frozen embryos, the amazing people who work there, and all the other people going through the process.

When my son was 16months, my husband and I decided we would try embryo #2. I felt like I’d forgotten the whole process. The embryo transfer is always so strange, it’s over pretty fast and then you walk around in a weird place of ‘pregnant until proven otherwise’. For me, it helped take the emotion out of it and thinking that it’s just like trying naturally each month - albeit more expensive.

This time I did not wait 8 days and tested much earlier than I should have. Don’t be like me. Patience is a virtue. Especially since I do have a friend who never saw a positive test before getting the blood test results and had a healthy baby. Every journey really is so different. Ok disclaimer done. I tested early and I was shocked to see the faintest line. Baby boy number #2 arrived in Oct 2018.

But 3? What to do. Two is such a nice number. But that embryo is just sitting there (I would certainly not have this thought if we had 10 frozen). Do we try it? Do we not?!? We tried it. Insanely it worked. Baby girl arrived July 2021.

Our fun facts

• The Dr who did my first embryo transfer had actually delivered my brother 27years earlier….
• With IVF, our kids will get to believe that their parents have never had sex.
• I got pregnant without my husband in the room. He was at work for transfers 2 and 3.
• My kids have their first photo at a cellular level.

My advice for those going through the thick of it now

My biggest advice is don’t listen to well-meaning advice from friends or family. Only you can know your journey. Do what feels right for you. You can get so lost in all the well-intended advice. Comparing yourself to other people isn’t ever helpful.

The luck we have had is not lost on me. I am acutely aware of the pain and challenges that go into IVF. I am very open about our experience and as such, I have had many people open up about their experiences. Everyone's journey is so different. But with everyone having the same hope. The hope for a baby. And I certainly hope that - for everyone who wants it.

"I yearned for years to have 2 children, and I'm glad my stubborn nature didn't give up."

This is my journey

My journey to a second child started back in 2008 when I was sent to the hospital to have emergency bowel surgery. The surgery I had didn’t go smoothly, and there were a few complications that sadly resulted in my infertility. Later down the track, I would have a fallopian tube removed, in the hopes it would increase my chances of conceiving.

My daughter was only six months old at the time, but I already knew I wanted to give her a sibling. I knew back then that the path to another baby would be a struggle. When my daughter was around 1 1/2 years old, my husband and I decided to start trying for another little person. We had been hoping to get pregnant naturally for a while, but we weren’t having any luck. So, we went to our GP to see what could be done and what was happening - and he referred us to Fertility Associates where they said we would likely need a round of IVF.

But my Marriage ended, and my journey to bubs #2 was postponed until a few years later when I met my partner and we headed down the fertility road together as a fresh start.

After not conceiving for a very long time, we booked a consultation with Fertility Associates. We had all the tests done such as AMH/HSG, family medical history, and ultrasounds. We then started IVF. The very first cycle, I was scared as hell. But curious. Scared because of the unknown. I had no first-hand knowledge on how treatment would go or how I would feel, or how the meds would affect me.

But another roadblock stopped me, my partner and I separated - so it felt like I was back to square one. I love my daughter to no end, but I also yearned for years to have 2 children, and I'm glad my stubborn nature didn't give up. I decided to go ahead with fertility treatment but using a donor sperm.

The cycles on my own, I was so excited and really looking forward to getting started. But then getting a negative blood test is always hard to handle and cope with, but my first positive test in 12yrs trumps all of the negatives, by a mile. In total, I did IVF with ICSI for all 4 cycles. But got the best result ever on my last cycle with a sperm donor and 5 embryos frozen. My very 1st thawed transfer worked... I did this as soon as our complete lockdown levels changed last year.

My biggest challenge

The biggest challenge was definitely all the needles involved in IVF treatment. I have such a massive needle phobia, and never gave myself any of the hormone injections. My awesome cousin Laura did every single shot for me, every night at 9pm, she was so brilliant. I am just SO grateful for Emla numbing cream!

Everyone I told about my donor journey was amazing. But by far my daughter is my biggest supporter. She came with me to most appointments, even the 7week scan when she got to see her little brother for the 1st time. I am so thankful to my Aunty, Uncle, Cousin Laura, my colleagues, friends, & other family members. Even customers at work would always ask how everything was going.

Even though I was a patient, I never ever felt like just a number. I had Dr Michelle Bailey in Christchurch - and I found her to be absolutely fantastic. She saw me grow over the few years, into a confident and brave woman when it came to each appointment, egg collection, transfer & needles.

I have panic attacks, and she even told me how much she has seen me change, especially when I did my 1st thawed embryo transfer, which became my son. She said, “there's not even a bead of sweat on your brow”. My kids and I have called into FA in Christchurch when we have been up and Michelle even got to meet and snuggle William - such an amazing moment for me. The clinic team are so welcoming, warm, supportive, answer any questions, and are just a great bunch of ladies - I am very grateful to them.

On the 2 cycle, as a single woman, I had a clinic donor. The same one for both rounds. My 13yro daughter helped me select him, and she is very happy her little brother has blue eyes like her.

My advice to hopeful Mums

I would definitely encourage them to at least make an appointment with FA, to discuss their options, and to get their AMH tested to see where they stand and go from there. It's also a great opportunity to ask a lot of questions if you have them.

If I had to give any advice for someone going through donor sperm treatment it would be to try to stay open-minded. Your cycles may not go smoothly, and it may not work the first cycle/transfer, but keep your spirits up, try to remain positive, and talk about what's going on, to your best friend, family, don't stay locked in your head, keep communication open.

IVF is hard work, mentally and physically. Be prepared to have emotional moments, you're allowed them and you're allowed to have teary moments! Ask questions, because honestly, with this whole infertility journey and treatment- you will learn so much & become quite impressed with your knowledge.

Dealing with infertility is hard in itself, but know, that you will have a lot of support from your family and friends, as well as your Fertility Associates Team... keep your head held high, and eventually (hopefully) all your blood, sweat, and tears will be well worth it when you get to hold your baby in your arms. You're allowed teary moments but make sure you have a big glass of water afterward, to flush everything away. You can do this!

My heart is full

After all the tough years of infertility, life is going to be absolutely amazing. I have an awesome 13yr old daughter who is a great big sister, and a 7month old little boy, who adores her just as much as I love them both. Doing this as a single mum has been so rewarding, personally, for me. Because I can see all the positives around me, and my heart just swells with pride for both my children... I wish for William (and Amy) to lead happy and healthy lives, to be kind to others, and always say please and thank you. I hope they do good at school and look after those around them. My heart is so full of love for Amy and William and I am forever grateful for every ounce of help I've been given to get to my end goal - a second baby.

Best wishes from Courtney, Amy, & William xx